I sat on the edge of the world. I settled in and listened to the waves as they sang me into a state of perfect fulfillment. I looked up and painted in the twinkling stars that were nestled behind the blanket of grey hovering over the majestic brilliance of Los Angeles. Take it all in, girl: the wonder of life; the bright colors of happiness and sweet notes of laughter my life had been reflecting. It embodied iridescence like never before.
I would give anything to go back to that moment. There is cascading logic behind the pure wholeness of it all: the raw freedom in the miles separating me, and the molds I ever felt pressured into fitting; the wind; the gentle reminder that I’m alive, that life is now, and it’s all too refreshing to feel the way it bristles against my skin and brings goose bumps from my head to the tips of my toes because it’s so good. It’s so good. Raw vulnerability permeated every second of that moment. It was just me and the waves and the faraway stars that heard the thoughts spinning around the universe inside me.
Trumping all of these beautiful realities though, is how enough I was. And how enough life was. For a few moments, I stopped chasing after the ethereal destination of “enough” to let it catch up to me and embrace me as it always intended to. The moment I stopped to catch my breath and enjoy the stars and the waves, is the exact moment that I embraced the full level of excellence that the creation of my being was always built to know.
The space of enough was never one I was well acquainted with. It always seemed to be just out of my reach. It was an ever-fleeting destination that only grew further and further away from me as I desperately chased after it and attempted to hold it in my grasp. Isn’t it strange that the more we chase after “enough” as a destination, the more she changes course and plants her roots in a different place? Pursuing life with “the grass is always greener” or “I’ll be happy when” mentality will always leave “enough” on the opposite side of which we stand. Enough is a choice, and she becomes you only when you decide that in this moment, in this exact moment as these words fill your mind to the brim, that you are enough. She can’t be caught, only chosen, and her finish line will only get further away from you the more you change yourself to cross it.
Choosing “enough” sounds poetic on paper, but the business of inviting her into our space might be a little muddier in reality. She’s not super glamorous. You might not find her on the front pages of tabloids in bold letters proclaiming that the hottest celebs have finally chosen her. She’s not one we usually choose to describe ourselves, either. We adhere words of extremes to our identity and worth. They either sparkle with brilliance, or drip with heaviness from the chains we’d rather not see. But enough is a tad subtler than that. Like beauty, she doesn’t call attention to herself, and so we often miss her alluring and infinite worth. Like the wind, she is unseen, but felt. When we embrace “enough” as our own, she moves through us and brings freedom to those who’ve not yet met her. She and peace come together as a package deal, and we begin to move with elegance like wildflowers. We don’t question how or why or when we dance, we just do, perfectly imperfectly.
The freedom found in the reality of imperfection is one of the sweetest to meet. We all have our own ideas of what perfect looks like, whether in the arena of outward appearance, material possessions, career status, relationships, etc. and it’s not wrong to hold these ideals inside you. In fact, you should strive toward the standard of dreams that make your heart beat fast, and people that inspire you to serve, and conversations that bring so much life that you leave them feeling more invigorated than ever before. However, if you only allow yourself to exist in the ideal form of each of these arenas, you will always come up short.
And that is the tragedy: that you’ll feel like you never measure up, when the reality is, you’re the most magnificent, beautiful, intentional creation in existence, and you weren’t built to tell yourself day in and day out that you’re not enough. You are an ocean of life, and you were created with more depth than the earth will ever know. We are all creations of Master artistry. We are all created to be brighter than the sun; freer than wildflowers; filled with the eternal kind of hope: the one that declares beauty as inherently ours to claim and keeps the hearts of the brokenhearted beating boldly. And that is the truth.
So, here is my proposition: that we boldly pursue the space of “enough” as a daily journey and decision, choosing truth over tragedy; that we pursue honesty in the confrontation of who we are, admiring kickass qualities, and admitting areas for improvement; that we courageously and vulnerably choose every arena of who we are, as we are, and even on our worst day, make a bet on the beautiful stories we will become. And most importantly, that we spur each other on in the dreams and wild chaos that will be born in our hearts when we embrace “enough” as we were always meant to.